Today I found myself complaining about people who constantly complain! Whoops! Prompted me to sort it out with writing …
What is the difference between “sharing a concern” and “constant complaining”?
After observing my own behavior and working with clients who are willing to change, as well as those who are not, I’ve reached some conclusions:
Sharing a Concern is:
1. Discussing a situation or problem with another person or group of persons with integrity, who will consider and discuss it with me so I gain insight.
2. Venting frustration with another person or group of persons with integrity, who listen patiently, control rolling their eyeballs, and allow me to get it out of my system. If they share my concern and we trust each other, we mutually vent – one time – and then let it go. In this process, as I listen to my own verbal vomiting, I hear my self-talk and gain insight into my own thinking as well as possible solutions to the situation.
3. After sharing the concern, I consider actions I can take to improve the situation, and set about doing things in a new way to resolve the issue. ‘Nuff said. I get on with it.
Once we decide on an action to apologize, resolve, heal, or clarify an issue, we re-gain control. We shift from being a victim to being in charge of life again.
1. Constantly complaining – to anyone who will listen. It’s my problem and I want company. Misery loves company. The more of us that can gripe together, the more justified we all feel and the more intensively we can suffer together.
2. Gossip. Telling anyone and everyone what is wrong. The more dramatic I can make it sound, the better.
3. Find others who will side with me to justify my opinion. While I may be confident I am in the right on an issue, soliciting others to side with me disrupts the workplace, family, or community.
4. Avoid self-examination. I don’t want to consider how I might have contributed to the situation because it’s too painful or scary to consider changing my beliefs, emotional defense system, actions, or summoning up the courage to apologize.
5.Complaining is a pattern many of us don’t realize we have. We think it is our right to speak up when things go wrong, yet if we consistently have problems in life, with no pleasant reprises, there is something we do that contributes toward it.
A victim complains. A victor shares with discrimination.
One of the most challenging, inspiring and insightful practices I’ve ever done is to focus on not criticizing, condemning, or complaining. I’m the first to admit I still have lots of work in this area. The recent election pushed my buttons constantly. The moment I think I’ve got this down pat, life offers me another situation to practice.
What we focus upon expands. If I focus on everything wrong in life, that’s all I see. If I focus on the best in life, that is what I see.
Our thoughts and expectations create a vibration signature. If I’m not attracting the situations and people I want in my life, it’s up to me to shift my vibration. How? I become the type of person I want to attract. This works.
Ah hah! Just as I suspected. The person I most need to work on is me.
“Take life into your own hands and make it happen. It’s your life; Lead it!”
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