1) No one wants to listen to it.
A problem is your issue, your emotional reaction, your dissatisfaction. Complaining about it to others stirs up their own angst that they prefer to avoid, thank you very much. They have enough turmoil in their own life without adding yours to it. Don’t verbally vomit your issues all over others; it destroys relationships.
2) It doesn’t change things.
When you complain, if the other person is the culprit, they quickly justify their actions in their own mind. They find ways to rationalize they are right, or to knock holes in your grievance. Complaining intensifies the issue instead of resolving it.
What you focus upon intensifies and expands. Once you place something on your complaint radar, your scope of observation finds it everywhere. It’s like getting a new car and suddenly you see that model everywhere. The same principle works with negatives. When a grievance is on your mind, your radar scans to find that problem existing everywhere, and then you can proudly “prove” that you are right and others are wrong.
4) Complaining is resisting “what is”.
Complaining is insisting something be different than what it actually is. “That woman held up our checkout lane with her coupons!” Yes, she sure did. And someone else is going to in the future, too. Those are facts. You can complain about it, but it still happens. If you relax and accept things that cannot be changed, you can expend energy in more enjoyable or helpful ways. Instead of complaining loudly to everyone around you, or purposefully spewing exaggerated negative body language, why not use the time to clear the old texts on your phone? Or think of a way to encourage the cashier, who is sure to be stressed that her line has slowed to a stop. “What we resist will persist; what we embrace will erase.”
5) Complainers have more health issues.
Looking for things that are wrong creates constant tension in your body. Positive, encouraging events are automatically deleted by your negative mental programming. It reinforces a sense of helplessness, lack of control, and feelings of depression. When you give up complaining, you find room in life for possibilities. Positive people live longer, have better relationships, and find life more fulfilling.
Choosing to not complain doesn’t mean you can’t occasionally commiserate with friends in mutual support, or seek resolution for situations that need resolved. It does mean you seek solutions, or accept that some things cannot be changed – but you have the power to adjust your life accordingly.
Action to take: Give up complaining for three weeks. Twenty-one days of a new practice can break a habit. When you find yourself complaining, let it go. Notice that problems get resolved without your griping, and often – more quickly. It’s your life. Lead it.
Take life into your own hands and make it happen. It’s your life. Lead it.
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